19/04/14 - 1 note

We had a happy little baby boy on March 31st!

Anyone who’s interested in keeping in the loop with my story etc please follow my main blog @beautyiinthebreakdown


06/02/14 - 2 notes

So we had our 34 week growth scan today and saw the consultant.

I have to say I came out feeling rather deflated but now I’ve had the whole day to digest things I am determined more than ever to prove them wrong.

Basically despite the fact that all my results for blood pressure, pulse, gestational diabetes etc are coming back totally fine, and that I’ve managed not to gain too much weight, the consultant is still concerned about things because of my bmi being very high, so Chippenham is definitely out the window.

It’s so frustrating because I personally know that the bmi system is totally flawed as it is, I’ve done tonnes of research over the years and don’t believe it’s even relevant to ones health at any size… But obviously it’s so deeply ingrained in the medical world now it’s near impossible to argue ones case.

The midwife who saw me before the consultant was very lovely and explained that although they will insist on some things such as fitting a canular at the start of labour it will only be there in case of emergency or if I become dehydrated which I can deal with.
That I may use a birthing pool in the latent phase of labour but I cannot give birth in a pool, this is sad but I agree that if there were complications or I felt faint for example it would be hard to get me out…
I think the thing that worries me mostly is that they advise continuos fetal monitoring if they struggle to find baby’s heartbeat with dopplers, so either straps round belly or a electronic monitor attached to baby’s head…although she stated that I can still move/change position to birth in with this in place? (Assured me I won’t be stuck on a bed) I’m not entirely convinced :/

She also saw the hypnobirthing sticker on my notes and assured me they would do all they can to allow us to birth in the most natural way we can, low light, calm, quiet etc (just like how our nct practitioner explained on the tour) and that they (the midwives) do their best to keep Drs from intervening as much as they possibly can.

However when the consultant came in afterwards he focused on the fact that the baby was big (he’s currently looking to be about 5.8lbs) which is the first time anyone has expressed a concern he was big, it’s always just been mentioned to us as just above average from other staff I’ve encountered.
He also stressed how shoulder dystosia(sp?) is more common in “bigger women” so they would have to have me in certain positions if that were to occur… Not happy about this one at all.
But I think what worried me most was him mentioning how “failure to progress” would lead to drugs to speed things up then if all else fails a c-section @.@

I asked him what constitutes a failure to progress and he was pretty vague saying that it really would depend on the individual circumstances ie; how I was contracting, length of labour, condition of baby’s heartbeat, condition of myself etc…
Which although I accept, I mean I know that he can’t tell me how it will play out at all it is down to how it goes on the day but I do worry that the mere fact that I know I’ll be being monitored because of my bmi and no other reason will effect my ability to zone out, stay relaxed and calm and be able to let my body do what it’s supposed to at the rate it wants to go?

Oh and to top it off of course I have to have a repeat gestational diabetes test next week too… Joy! I fucking pray that comes back clean like last time otherwise I’m sure the bloody “induction” word will arise. Grrrrrrr.

I’ve been listening to the Maggie Howell hypnobirthing cd now every other day or so and it is helping, it really is fantastic at helping you visualise a positive birth and become totally relaxed, in fact until today I was feeling highly positive about the birth to be honest!
But I’m afraid having all this information suddenly chucked at me in the hospital has set me back somewhat and I’m really worried that I’ll see their presence there as them trying to take over rather than a safety net in case things were to take a turn for a need to intervene.

I have to say I’m so thankful to have gotten a tour of the unit so at least I can say I know the surroundings there will be possible to create a peaceful and calm atmosphere, but I still have this underlying fear that because I’m being pigeonholed into this high risk category I might not be trusted as much as someone who isn’t.

It’s massively frustrating to me to know that if my bmi were just a few numbers lower I could do it with none of this fuss… Also knowing that bmi in itself is a load of bollocks just makes me cross.

All I can say is I will just have to try really really hard to zone out from the naysayers, and listen to my body. Let nature take it’s course as it were… And hopefully I can prove to them that you can birth your baby naturally at ANY size…. And you can bet your ass that if I do manage an unassisted birth this time round, I will be opting for a home birth with a community midwife and a doula next time, bugger the hospitals all together!!

25/01/14 - 1 note

All things that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing properly for the first time today…


Braxton hicks are very odd, I thought I’d had a couple of very brief ones earlier on but I had three back to back this afternoon, most uncomfortable, and made baby got nuts bless him… I laid on my left side till they ebbed away and watched in amazement at my belly being stretched in all sorts odd ways.

I also gave in and finally shaved my lady bits whilst in the shower… I have normally been leaving it till I have a bath as it’s a lot easier, but I’m rapidly growing to big to do that in the bath so had been putting it off…
Anyway I managed it fairly well considering I had to crouch in the shower lol it’s odd I’m pretty sure since he’s been head down, my whole lady area has swollen considerably… Which made shaving a lot easier than I’d imagined haha silver linings and all that!

Then this evening I’d noticed that I was getting a little “itchy” in the bottom area… And low and behold I see to have a little intruder in form of a small pile! Gah! I’ve been really good on the bran and general roughage so far so I’m guessing that’s it’s also to do with his head being down now… Lots of pressure and all!

Ah the joys of it eh?

I think I’m well and truly over the “lovely” part of the pregnancy now… The cute bump is now getting ungainly and I still have another 8weeks minimum! Lmao!

So yeah all the tmi stuff to come I will be saving for this blog!

Pregnancy is fun!

*I am looking forward to having my body back to myself*

*even if he will be attached to my boobs once he’s here*

14/01/14 - 1 note

We had our first one last night.

Neither of us were all that sure of what to expect but we both came home feeling much more informed and a lot less fearful of a fair few aspects of birth and such.

The group of couples all seemed pretty nice folk, I do think I’m probably the only one there that doesn’t have a full time job and/or plans on being a full time stay at home Mum but I may be wrong… We didn’t get a chance to chat much to all of the couples just a select few.
I hope that in the coming weeks we can get to know each other better and perhaps form some life long friendships but who knows?

As the group Is actually held in Bath the rest of the couples are all from bath or surrounding so that’s the other snag, but I figure there will ample opportunity to meet Chippenham based people through mother and baby groups anyway so I’m not worried.

It was really nice seeing Sam amongst other equally confused looking first time Dads too… And realising that even the little interest he has had in things up to now is greater than some that were there… I feel very grateful I have him as a husband and a father to our boy.

The nct practitioner that runs the group was lovely, very down to earth and hippy like, but that is just my cup of tea, plus she wasn’t too hippy dippy for Sam so that was good.
Turns out she knows my first ever boyfriends family really well, as his mother was also an nct teacher! Haha small world I suppose! She remembers when he was born lol

I feel like because I have the luxury of not holding down a full time job I have been able to do more research than a fair amount of the women there too, I realised this when we were put into gender groups and told to list questions we’d like answered during the course… Also I feel quite pleased with myself that I have managed to sought out information myself from leading experts such as Ina May Gaskin and I’ve recently ordered a hypno birthing book and audio from someone called Maggie Howell (who turns out to be the hypnobirthing method that our class teacher is a practitioner of also)
She’s also a doula too which was good to hear, meaning she’s really up to date with birthing techniques and such at our particular hospital, which for me is a huge bonus as with the nhs being the state it is in currently it’s great to know how the specific hospital you plan on birthing at runs etc.
I was also really interested in hearing her talk about attending home births too… I hope one day to have a home birth but I figure not the first time round just in case.

All in all I am so so glad we decided to opt for the nct classes as apposed to the free nhs ones, it’s a smaller group and is much more holistic in it’s approach to birth and such… Which is exactly what we want.

Obviously she pointed out that we can all wish for specific things to happen or not at our births but really it’s subject to so many factors things can change on a pin head… But to go into it informed and open minded is the best way to be.

I certainly feel that Sam has finally really engaged with the whole thing more, despite at the end of the class when we were all asked what the class had brought to us him saying “well I feel a little bit traumatised” lol but I’m sure that’s just because he’s had to face the mechanics of the labour process (through her showing us diagrams of the inside of the female body during pregnancy/labour etc) for the first time… I guess it gains him a little more respect of just what my body is going through to which is no bad thing.
We got taught a little massage for him to give me and vice versa when he’s back at work after baby arrives… It was very simple in it’s technique but very grounding and soothing in fact… I think it will be very useful :)

All in all I look forward to going again for next few weeks and the tour of the hospital too… It’s all brought it so much closer to home and instead of feeling more scared I actually feel a lot calmer now after having some things cleared up about the amount of control you have over birth positions/monitoring etc plus the simple fact of hearing that we will be told to stay at home for as long as we possibly can when labour starts.

I am now feeling so much better about how our birth may play out and that’s only after one class! :)

I would thoroughly recommend the nct classes here in the uk if you’re pregnant they are worth their weight in gold.

03/12/13 - 2 notes

I guess I’ve just been updating you guys on things over at my main blog, Beautyiinthebreakdown instead.

I don’t think I should get rid of this one though because it will be perfect for posting the inevitable baby chatter that will increase as the pregnancy gets further along, plus after the birth when I’m no doubt going to start talking about feeding, and nappies and all that fun stuff that people with no interest in babies will just hate to see in my main blog haha Not that I blame them… it’s like when folks post stuff on facebook about the ins and outs of there babies every existence… it gets dull fast lol So I will en-devour to keep it on here.

I’m almost at 25 weeks now, so if (god forbid) baby decided to come early he would be a viable little fella albeit in scubu for the remainder of what would have been the pregnancy. Of course I want him to stay in there as long as he can though! Despite me being desperate to meet him ;)

It’s not long now till we start our Antenatal classes they begin in mid January which I’m sure I’ll blink and they’ll be here the way time seems to pass lately! I’m really looking forward to going so that my husband can start getting his head around the labor and stuff… I fear he’s burying his head in the sand somewhat right now, he seemed genuinely shocked when I told him I don’t have long left of the second trimester… duhhhh… This baby is on it’s way in the next 3 months or so! So I do hope he pulls his head out the sand soon and starts to prepare himself for what we are about to go through… not just the physical aspects of my pregnancy progressing, or the labor, but what it may do to our relationship, how I might act out of character (Something which seems to baffle hi is why my mood is always wavering lately… I’m just like ffs if you read up about this stuff you’d know I’m likely to cry at nothing, get cross for no apparent reason and then be fine again within minutes STOP TAKING IT PERSONALLY PLEASE) lol

Fingers crossed he will wake up soon :)

I’m getting tired pretty easily the last week or so, I think he’s having a growth spurt in there, he’s certainly very active and I feel him moving a lot now :) it’s the best part of being pregnant for sure… even if it is at 3am!

We are slowly but surely amassing a great deal of baby paraphernalia now, and have almost everything we need for him to arrive! Only things left on the list now are a cotbed mattress & bedding, Baby monitor, storage for toys etc and a rug, blind and curtains for the nursery, night light/lullaby thing. Various blankets, bouncy chair/baby swing, Changing bag. Need a few more newborn 0-3 months bits but we are set otherwise for clothing really!

Then it’s just a case of starting to stock up on nappies after xmas, I fugure we’d make use of the baby events at supermarkets and buy in bulk… We’ve decided to go with disposables to start with just as we are getting ourselves used to having a baby to cope with and get a routine set in first… then we have cloth ones for when he’s a bit bigger to try :) Bottles and formula are going to wait until he’s here because I really want to do my best to exclusively breastfeed so I think knowing we don’t have them on hand I will be more determined not to give in… of course if things change I can just send Sam out to buy some anyway, the beauty of living where we do :)

I am just itching to start the nursery now though! I can see it all in my head! CANT WAIT!!!

03/12/13 - 10 notes


Bumpy bump bump! Also my hair is getting longer yayyyy! #myface #plussizepregnancy #babybump

01/11/13 - 12 notes


Woahhhh livin on a prayer!

Only 4 more sleeps till we find out the gender! Yay!!

12/10/13 - 4 notes

When the books come out it must be getting serious ;)

12/10/13 - 3 notes

Can’t believe it :)

Spent the day sorting through all the accumulated baby things with my Mum today, I’m quite amazed at the amount I’ve managed to squirrel away since last year, plus all of my own baby clothes from when I was little… Has been quite a trip down memory lane I must say!

Meanwhile little baby is wiggling away inside me making me smile more and more each day.

Only 3 more weeks before our 20 week anomaly and gender scan let’s hope she/he is feeling less shy this time ;)

13/09/13 - 16 notes


Here’s a better look at our little wriggler :D

I loved hearing the surprise in hubbys voice when he saw how much it was moving about! We did get a look at it from a different angle to which showed its spine and arms and legs wriggling about hehe

Can’t wait for the next scan now!

I’m still kinda letting the idea of having this tiny little human bean inside me that half Sam and half me! it’s so awesome :D

Kinda forgot to update this blog yesterday with all the excitment!

So long and short of it is… we are looking like a week ahead which falls in line with the weird cycle I had prior to falling pregnant, I must have ovlated earlier than usual.

Also we have an awkward little one because he/she was camera shy and wouldnt turn round for the technician to do her measurements and stuff… so we have to go back at 15 weeks for a rescan. But I don’t care at all, just means we get to see him/her again sooner!

The other thing we discovered was that my Placenta is placed at the front of my uterus which isn’t an issue like a low lying one would be, it just means I’m unlikely to feel any movements from baby untill 20 weeks or so rather than the usual 16ish. So that was good to know so I don’t worry when others are saying they can feel it earlier :)

Honestly though I’m so in love already! hehe

And our news is finally out there now too which is a relief because I am starting to show now! haha

12/09/13 - 5 notes

12 weeks tomorrow and we are finally having our dating scan today at 5.50!

I’m starting to feel a little nervous now but trying to stay positive.

I have to believe in this baby.

I have to.


06/09/13 - 4 notes

I think I may save this blog just for the more gory details of pregnancy now that the news is out in the open on my regular one…

But yeah, morning sickness is rearing it’s head after a few seemingly calm days for it… Oh well! It’ll stop me eating too much rubbish I suppose lol!

30/08/13 - 4 notes


29/08/13 - 1 note

Don’t know what to do with myself :(

27/08/13 - 0 notes

Was a total disaster, 6 attempts by 4 different people… And they found nothing!

Have to go back tomorrow and get it taken by a flibotomist at the drs surgery.
Luckily I got an appointment when Sam can come home and take me make sure I’m ok.
Was a bit wobbly and pale after being poked about earlier, had walked all the way there in the sun and was knackered.

I feel crap today.

Physically I mean… I haven’t gotten to the gym in over a month now what with one thing or another. I want to start going again but even that walk today was knackering I had to lay down after I got home :(

I hope my energy returns to a more normal level soon, one never gonna get this house in any sort of order at this rate! I’d sat around after I got in and eventually got sick to death of the sight of the place, bloody dog and cat fur everywhere and stuff in heaps all over the place :( I know we wanted this weekend for just relaxing a little and not doing much stuff in the house but I have to live in it whilst Sam is at work and it was gross :(

So I hoovered and brushed down the sofa an chairs a bit, tidyed up what I could in the kitchen (I can’t do much in there because its full up with thins that are meant to be upstairs and I’m not meant to carry anything!!)

I think I will ask my parents over tomorrow and see if they can help me shift some stuff about, get the place a bit more liveable in. Can’t do it on my own, and Sam doesn’t want/can’t be arsed to after work so I’m left with it.

I hate to be so moany after I’ve been wanting to be moved for so long, but it’s just the thought of how long it’s going to take us to get the place looking how we want it/finding homes for everything… We have approx 7 months before this baby arrives if all goes well and to me that doesn’t seem like long enough!

Ugghhh think I will go take a shower/have a cry/nap.